Does life often seem to stay in a place of never-ending expectation? Does it feel like we are all in an endless line waiting for our real life, but there's a person at the front of the line who forgot their checkbook, needs one more item, or whatever irritating thing is holding up our dream life ... forever.
I hate waiting. I have a great deal of patience for children and animals, but I hate waiting. Books from odd-looking gurus would have us believe that if we just write it down "it will come". If we just focus, focus, focus the proverbial genie in a bottle will magically appear revealing the way to our nirvana. Hmmmmmm ... I think someone moved my genie.
Now there's my new book title, "Who Moved My Genie?"
If dissatisfaction is a true motivator, then I have been motivated for some time. Now that I am feeling better, motivated is an understatement. However, my line isn't moving.
What do women do when their life isn't moving? Get a new haircut and style. It's our way of 'moving on'. When we break up with a guy ...new hair. A guy breaks up with us ... new hair ... weight loss and several new outfits. A job interview ... hair trim and a new outfit. A first date ... a bang trim and new shoes. Somehow HAIR is always a factor. Today I got a new cut and style. Much of my missing pieces of hair have grown back - and come back deep red. (Part of that last sentence sort of sounds attractive). It was time to take the plunge and allow my stylist to update me.
My stylist is Lisa, an owner of a hot, trendy downtown hair salon who should be creating do's for the stars. Instead, she loves beautifying us "little people". THANK GOD. She notices my hair feels different and tells me my new health is showing in my hair. This is excellent news, as I understand it takes some time for thyroid meds to work properly. She gave me a slightly rocker redhead look ... I like it.
The other day, while reading online I came across the story of a woman who suffered from Hashimotos disease for 7 years before the doctors finally figured out what was up. It took another 8 years for her to find her way to natural thyroid medication. I cried as I read her description of her life when she too, suddenly felt better. She wrote, "It was as if I awoke from being knocked out during a tornado, and as I came to and looked out upon my life, it was completely decimated. My marriage was over, my kids were grown, my career gone, my finances destroyed. I was stunned. When did this all happen?"
She was 54 and starting over. Somehow by the grace of God something reached out and saved me before this was my story. I was dangerously close to her... dangerously close. I look back on so many things, like Patrick's x wife. He would tell me stories about when they were married; she would lock herself in her bedroom and sleep all the time. Her exhaustion, and the lack of answers destroyed their marriage, along with the loss of interest in sex, a common complaint of hypothyroid women. (Luckily for me this wasn't an issue. I will discuss later why I think this is). Now looking back I am sure she has an untreated thyroid issue. Considering what a selfish egotistical man he was, there was little chance for support to find what was wrong. He just blamed her - for everything.
Ladies ... never trust a man that blames his x for everything.
Like Sleeping Beauty I have awakened to find a life I don't recognize. So now what? I'd love to move to Saratoga, Folsom, San Diego or Las Vegas. But ... there's Brian. He is my little hero who stuck by me through all of this. He's scrambled eggs for dinner brought me toast when I lie in bed, and always found a way to make me laugh. His dad is here, his Grandmas are here, and Aunts, Uncles, cousins and his long list of best friends are all here. I am not able to put my own needs aheadof his ... I can't.
So I suppose I continue to stand in line. At this point I have to leave it all up to God, the missing genie or magic, because something else seems to guiding all of this. Oh yeah, and at some point I do have to write how I have never stopped thinking about sex...(laugh)... even while hypothyroid.
Until next time-
C
