This is the weekend I always prepare for Christmas. I start by picking Brian up from school on Friday and go on the great tree hunt for the perfect Christmas tree. After three tree farms and four tree lots, he decides on one at a lot right by our home. Maybe we should have just started there. I think it is some sort of weird Christmas law for kids ... the tree you get ends up being the first you see three hours earlier...
The tree he picks is fresh and fat. I get Brian to saw off the bottom inch and stick it in a bucket of water outside. I think during this moment he is thinking Christmas sucks. But it is a tradition my own father taught me from his days spent as a lumberjack in north west California. There is one thing I can do very well: chop down trees and chop wood. My father was adamant growing up that I learn this skill. I know what to do with a Christmas tree. I have the oddest life. I teach Brian to fish, throw a baseball, cut down a tree and split wood. How many mothers can say that?
Suddenly I am getting an odd surge of married men or men living with women contacting me via instant message these past few days. I don't know if it is the holidays, the growing interest in this blog or what, but suddenly they are coming out of the wood work. I am sorry, but most single women just aren't interested in wasting hours chatting with someone else's guy. You are boring to us. I am okay with my friend's husbands and boyfriends because they are like family. But the rest of the "taken" men out there I am just not interested in getting to know.
Life is too short and too valuable to be their fun, because they are searching for something outside their relationship, rather than getting off their asses and creating it where they lay. I got divorced. I paid my heartache dues and I am just not interested in some other woman's guy. I never have been and this part of me will never change. Besides, there is this little list of rules that I do believe in called The Ten Commandments. Why do some taken guys think a woman will settlefor so little when we single ones can just go out and create the life we want with a single, available man ...?
I feel sorry for the women in these guy's lives. My father never would have done anything like that, but he was crazy for my mother ... so was Papa Dick. And my brother, like me has never cheated on anyone. I just don't understand the point. You are either in a relationship or you're not. It's a black or white issue. Maybe we just come from a culture that takes its responsibilities and commitments seriously. But I also think the value we put on the relationships in our lives is directly related to how we value ourselves. When someone cares about me I am careful about their heart. This is why I gave my all to make my marriage work and was so devastated when I called it off. It wasn't my fault but I still took my fare share of the responsibility for its end. And because I value my relationship with Brian I go out of my way to work on a working friendship with his father, even though some say my ex doesn't deserve it.
I always answer with "What would Jesus, Gandhi, Mother Theresa, or the Dahli Lama do?" Brian is the best part of our marriage. He is a great kid. He deserves the best from us and parents who should act like grown-ups. I can say my ex was not exactly on board with this type of thinking the first few years of our divorce, but I was relentless in my pursuit of a peaceful, happy life for Brian and I made it happen. Brian will be a better man for it. Ok...enough of that soap box. YAWN.
I made my famous polenta dinner for my annual Sunday night tree decorating party. Christmas carols, champagne, family and friends partake in my annual tradition. Now our home is perfectly decorated for the holidays. Sometimes I think we invented Christmas as a way to see ourselves through the coldest, darkest part of the year. The tree stands proud next to the living room window kissed with hundreds of small colored lights and old fashioned ornaments. Brian is so excited that he has fallen asleep on the couch facing the tree.
Something has changed in our home, and it isn't just the furniture I have moved around. Mymother notices it when she arrives, "Your home is so beautiful and comforting dear, what is new?" Really, nothing is. I got rid of our old entertainment center that Brian and I learned to paint Monet flowers on. But I think it is me surviving the very worst of events over the last year and being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I do want people reading this blog to understand that in my darkest hours I have always been grateful to God for my life. Brian is a healthy, happy well-adjusted kid and every day that he walks this earth is a blessed day indeed. I never for one minute forget this fact.
I have re-arranged the furniture to allow for a writing table and a place for Brian to play the piano. He is all the way to Old MacDonald. He cracks me up as he goes from sitting playing the piano to putting on his basketball shorts, ready to go play his latest game.
Speaking of, he seems to have the best luck with joining sports teams ... or it is his massive size ... but he always seems to land on the number one team. On Saturday his basketball team played the next best team and they ended up losing by a point in the final 2 seconds. I never knew sixth grade basketball could be so exciting, or that some of the kids already look like pros. And there is Brian in the middle of it, not thinking anything about the fact that he is on a talked about basketball team. Several boys from his school approach him as he walks into the gym, "Brian? You are on the Kings???!!!" they shout. Brian shrugs like they have just commented he has blonde hair. He is just in it for the fun... and the applause. I think if he could get me to applaud him when he brushes his teeth, combs his hair or ties his shoes he would think life is pretty close to perfection.
Any given day that we are both healthy, still on earth and in the game of life is perfection.
On Sunday, even more so as we were surrounded by family and close friends. The tree is smiling at me ... she sure looks dressed up, ready for Christmas. Several tiny bells hang from the lower branches that magically ring every now and then.
Sunday was also the second Sunday of Advent. It is a special time for Catholics. Advent is a season of preparing for Christmas by prayer, meditation, and reflection. In Latin, the word Advent is defined as "to come to." Advent is the beginning of the Catholic Church Year. The entire bible is read at Mass over the year. Many people don't realize this is a part of the Catholic service they listen to. The four-week period before Christmas is known as Advent. Advent lasts anywhere from twenty-one to twenty-eight days. It begins on the fourth Sunday before Christmas. During this time, Catholics try to add a little more holiness into their lives. We pray, read the Bible, meditate, and attend Mass more frequently. My mother still carries on the tradition of an Advent Wreath. An Advent wreath has four candles. Each candle represents one week of Advent. I just light a new special candle each week and place it on my fireplace mantle. With each candle ceremony I remind myself how fortunate I am and say a prayer for all my family and friends. This is a special time of year for me.
Merry Christmas everyone.
"Every time you hear a bell ring, it means that some angel's just got his wings."
Until next time-
C
