Whenever I pick Brian up from school and the first thing out of his mouth is, "I have A LOT of homework!" which means, 'there is a problem and I am about to get blind-sided'. “What kind of homework?” I ask. “The A LOT of kind Mom!” he retorts. Yeah ... I am sure I studied that in school too. In plain English, there is a project he has been putting off for some reason and now it is due. I can feel it in my bones.
We go back to the office and Brian begins to pull what looks like the entire Dead Sea Scrolls out of his backpack. There are papers, packets, photographs, construction paper, books on Egypt and his colored pencil case. He heaves a big sigh followed by a, “I HAVE TO DO A SCRAPBOOK!” shout as he stares at me with the ‘this is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of in my life’ look.
Before I can ask anything further, my ex-husband looks at us like we have just exposed him to poison ivy and makes a quick exit to his office. (Coward) “What is this scrapbook suppose to be about?” I inquire. “Egyptian grave sites and what is a scrapbook anyways? It sounds pretty girlie", he moans. Hey I resent that – I don’t like scrap-booking either and last time I looked in the mirror I was still a girl. I equate scrap booking to quilting bees and My Little Pony unicorn figurine collections.
He sits down at the desk and lays the items out in front of him like they are laced with some sort of virus he might catch. Then, I ask the million dollar question, “When is this due?” “Tomorrow,” he grumbles. Nothing like putting off something until the last minute hoping it will magically disappear.
Now it is my turn to sigh. “Let me see the assignment sheet.” I ask. Brian picks up this packet that looks like a small book and I think “Holy shi*, I don’t blame him for postponing this pain.” I could get mad, except I am confused as to why in the hell a teacher would assign boys a project which involves scrap-booking. Give me a friggin' break here. Only certain female teachers would think of this for an entire classroom project and include the boys.
I am thinking there is the story of the Battle of Kadesh, which begins with the army of Ramesses II advancing upon the city of Kadesh in four corps. Ramesses II himself was with the lead element of the corps, known as Amun. The teacher could have given the class a choice ... scrapbook the grave sites of the Pharaohs or map this battle. Brian would have mapped the battle in a heartbeat with plenty of red penciled blood. And for those girls, like me – they could have mapped the hell out of the battle too.
But no.
It’s a scrapbook.
It takes a painful two hours for Brian to complete his scrapbook with a great deal of complaining and misery. I help him organize the pages as my ex-husband makes comments about how he would have blown-off such an assignment in school. (HEY! You are no help there, sparky). I am beginning to believe the only reason my ex married me is because I don't scrapbook. I doubt Brian will ever date a girl who scrapbooks either. I can see it now ... he’s dating a girl, who he thinks he likes a lot. She invites him over, he hopes he’ll get a kiss and BAAM she whips out a scrapbook. Brian is never seen or heard from again.
I have to show the finished pain:
You will note the mistake he REFUSED to correct, as he proclaimed, "I don't care. I'm done with it!" Where he gets his stubborn streak from I have no idea...
My ex-husband is no help as all he can do is proclaim what a stupid project it is and how no son of his will ever be into scrap-booking. BLAH BLAH BLAH. But it did make me laugh as I thought what a scrapbook might look like if men like my ex husband actually had one:
Note the mistakes, which he would refuse to correct (Brian has to get that from someone other than me).
It is said, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger"
Although to hear Brian tell it, you would be convinced he died a slow torturous death last night doing a "girlie" thing. And he isn't quite 12 yet ... OIY.
Until next time-
C
