I love Friday evenings, and not so much because its the weekend, but the rituals that unfold marking the beginning to the weekend. When I was a college kid, it was to get ready to go to the latest party or dance club. When I was married it was the where are we going to dinner (or who's cooking) and what movie are we renting or going to see. Or it was always the day I (or we) would leave to go out of town.
Now, on the Fridays that I have Brian, it's the what do we want for dinner and how many kids am I feeding. Along with can you turn the slip and slide on and will you play water gun war with us. So here I sit typing with soaking wet shorts, because all the boys ganged up on the cook...I think they like living dangerously...
When Brian is here with Boonie, his Rat Terrier dog (who looks like Buster the RCA dog) there is this kid sense of fun that fills our home. Doors and windows are wide open and it seems I never stop waiting on someone. I just love it though. If there was anything I was meant to be great at, then it was to be the neighborhood mom that raises my children and a few other of the neighborhood's children in the process. Just don't make me interact with some of their parents...oi.
Music fills the air and a sense of silly fun takes us over as the Friday week ends and the Friday weekend begins. This is part of the reason dating bores me. None of the men I have dated ever measure up to the fun I have chasing a bunch of kids around with a water hose, fixing dinner, listening to them laugh and scolding them when they are pushing the limits. Then there is the sleeping bag and popcorn arrangements; the showers and the towels; what friend REALLY needs a shower and their clothes washed. Yes, sadly enough through neglect or parent selfishness, often kids basic needs are ignored.
I know of a woman who goes out and leaves her infant alone in an apartment while she goes out dancing. She leaves a baby monitor with the boyfriend of the girl she goes out dancing with who lives a few doors down from her. A fire takes only three minutes to ingulf a house, if that guy gets interested in a sports game - or falls asleep and doesn't hear anything, or the monitor mal-functions that far away..that precious baby is toast. Yet she is the first to critisize other people on their behaviors.
I watch so much of this and think I must be old. Brian also has a friend who's parents neglect his basic hygene. He smells, and is often very hungry. I have given this kid so many of Brian's clothes, had him take a shower AND USE SOAP, and fed him until he grabs his tummy and proclaims he is stuffed. He is a smart kid and I often wonder what will happen to him. If I was a multi- millionere...
All I know is I love Brian and his basic needs come first before my own. There are a bunch of people out there who will try and tell you to put yourself first and take care of yourself before the kids. I am just not sure I completely agree with that selfish baby boomer pop psychology. Usually, I get this jargon from people who have never had kids, or have written checks but were never involved in the raising of their kid(s). Don't you just love how people with the least experience with kids try and tell you how to raise them? Don't you want to slap them and tell them to shut up?
When I was first seperated and my x husband was giving me a hard time, I signed up for this boot camp work out class. It was every night for an hour with strapable weights doing militery-type exercises. It was a killer. But I was of the belief that if I felt physically strong, then I would stay mentally strong, thus winning over the negative situation with him. Ummmm... I did the class for three years...and he hassled me for another 4 years...so much for my pop-psychology. Anyways, in my 3rd session of every night classes, I felt the overwhelming need to cry. We were in the middle of these killer arm exercises, but it wasn't that. (Although if you had done her horrably painful arm exrcises you might disagree).
With tears welling in my eyes and trying to fight back the drops from cascading down my cheeks, the female "coach" Susan walks up to me and helps me finish the exercises. She said not a word, it was like she knew (or had been in my shoes before) and an instant bond was formed. This woman is still a friend, unfortunately I cannot commit to her class schedule anymore. Once Brian entered first grade, homework and early bedtime became the norm. I couldn't bring myself to drag him to her class every night from 6 to 7pm. Brian needed a normal so-called family life.
Anyways, after the arm exercises we would move to the floor for 1600 stomache crunches. It was during those crunches I figured out what was wrong. It was Friday night 6:10pm, the time I would usually arrive home from work. We had all the windows open in the gym and the smell of bar-b-que filled the work out room. When I was married our Friday nights in the summer involved my x husband (who is an unbelievable great cook). He would have the bbq going, Brian fed and in his play jumper and would hand me a glass of wine as I walked through the door. "Put on shorts and come outside" he would say. I would put on shorts and walk out with my glass of wine to the smell of some incredible fish, or steak, or vegetable thing he was creating on the grill. Brian would be happy and excited to see me. I would sit down. pull Brian to my lap and my xwould take care of everything.
It was wonderful, and once Brian was in bed, we would watch some new foreign film and talk about the life we were going to create. I loved Friday nights. Now, sweating in this gym over crunches, I realize the smell of bar-b-que takes me to a place of missing my old married life. This was hard to process, since my x husband is the king of assholes when he wants to be. (Which was pretty much 100 percent of the time at the end of our marriage and afterwards). It was wierd to experience a sense of loss over a part of my old life, while I still hated my x and blamed him for everything.
It's laughable, because I thought (way back then) that I would never be able to create a wonderful Friday night again. Often (after my divorce) when I was in corporate America, at about 4pm on Fridays the phones would start to ring for a different reason. It would be husbands and wives calling to say "Pick up Chinese, or I am going to the movie store -what do you want, or meet me at " " retaurant for dinner, or I am picking up the kids and pizza -see you at home." I would die little deaths with each call. I would hear the conversations and miss the days when I had them. I felt there were no real "normal" Friday nights anymore for me (or Brian). I wondered if they knew how lucky they were.
Amusing, because today I wouldn't trade Friday night shoes with anyone. My Friday nights belong to me. I am a great bar-b-quer (and cook) and I love my own personal version of Friday nights with Brian. We have dressed up and gone to dinner, to movies, or roller skating, played catch, had picnics, gone to the ocean to play on the sand while the sun sets, pitched a tent on the lawn and pretended we are camping, gone camping, traveled, seen plays and musicals - you name it. The sky is the limit. Lately, it is me and a bunch of little boys creating fun and laughter....yes and bar-b-que.
Tonight it was bbqd hamburgers, corn of the cob, watermelon and shoe string potatoes for them. Of course I had my usual salad. And the movies...Star Wars Trillogy. OI. My generation invented it and now a few cute 10 year old boys are going to try to explain it to me. In the middle of all this, KB instant messages me from her Friday night, over the hill from us:
katspajamas: Hey there! I'm on a list group for step/blended families. One of the posters has this as her tag line: "Some people are like slinkies...
Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face
when you push them down a flight of stairs."
katspajamas: LOL
katspajamas: Sorry I didn't pick up when you called. Shoshana called and was on a roll. Didn't want to interrupt her.
katspajamas: We have the kids at 9am Sunday morning.
ME: NP ... I am child infested tonight ...kinda like fleas
katspajamas: Oh! Sage and a good salt scrub with a glass of wine and a bubble bath works great for that...lol
katspajamas: Do you have Brian next week?
ME: lol so how is Sho?
katspajamas: she's.... Sho.
ME: I can have Brian all week ...he starts summer school
katspajamas: Well, I'm just looking at the calendar...
katspajamas: We definitely have the kids the last weekend of July 29/30. I'd like to invite Brian over for a sleepover with Andrew.
katspajamas: Doesn't solve our need to get together right now... but it puts a date on the calendar for the boys.
ME: O have Brian that weekend
ME: I ... hmmm I must have orgasm on the brain with that typo
katspajamas: <===============was thinking you might need a tissue... so Wanna come over that weekend???
katspajamas: speaking of orgasms.... my cat is going crazy with the f'n berber carpet!!
ME: lol... yes plan that weekend - plus I need to call the Napa whatever and schedule my community thingy
katspajamas: I think that's a hotline number.... 1-800-whatthefuc*ever
katspajamas: maybe I have orgasms on the brain too with all this f'n
ME: lol...I am sorry for your situation ...I wish I could change all our lives
katspajamas: Well, do share the magic wand when you find it!
ME: oj I [;am pm ot trust me
katspajamas: I really need some time just you and me. I'm going through some wierd shi* about my parents.
ME: ok let me try that again in english
katspajamas: please.
katspajamas: and I do trust you
ME: I am typing in the dark
katspajamas: hmmmm....
katspajamas: must be movie time.
ME: that was suppose to come out "trust me I am on it"....lol
katspajamas: on the magic wand????? with the children in the house?????? lol
ME: yes, maybe to both?...ARGH you are being funny - that one got left in a hotel in Denver....anyways, the boys have the pull out bed out and its Star Wars movies trillogy for the 1000000000000000 time ,,,,ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
katspajamas: egggggggzzzzaaaaaaaaakkkkklllllllyyyyyyy
ME: I see you can relate to my pain
katspajamas: I wastalking with Sho tonight about travel. Of the International persuasion.
katspajamas: It's time to dust off the passport. Or in my case, renew it!
ME: oh if wishes were horses...
katspajamas: Did you get my link to the Yucatan??
ME: I have to get mine and Brian's passport - it's on my list of New Years resolutions. Step 1 to making my dreams come true.
ME: yes I put it on my blog
ME: I want to get married there...lol...hell...I want to live there
katspajamas: Horses??? again with the phalic symbolism
ME: hey this is your head not mine...lol...I have children under the age of 13 here...they take that right out of you...no energy leftfor thinking about it...I am sure I will pass out to sleep as soon as me head hits the pillow tonight
ME: and, I have boys throwing popcornin this room
katspajamas: Wow. I think I can actually feel my libido. Unfortunately for my husband I'm 12 kinds of pissed off right now for things that happened 2 years ago.
katspajamas: And they say I'm NOT a redhead... but I'm Irish!!!
ME: isn't that how it goes...just when you want to plan their death your hormones kick in
katspajamas: rofl!
ME: and they think sex makes it all ok...so having sex for sex sake won't work...cause then they will think everything is all solved and hunky dorey
katspajamas: You MUST find a copy of this months More mag. Thats where read the article on the Yucatan Hacienda. But they have a great article on Jessica Lange.
katspajamas: Oh for fuc*'s sake!
ME: oh I like her...she has the sexiest man alive in her bed
katspajamas: If I were ever on Inside the Actor's Studio, that would be my favorite phrase.
ME: lol
katspajamas: Yes, ma'am she does. And she DIDN'T marry him even after children. But as the journalist who wrote the article said, she's been with uber-men. She's one of my idols.
katspajamas: And had children by them!!! And NO plastic surgery!!!
ME: I like the phrase on you...but without having to watch you on stage in front of a bunch of college students hanging on your every word.... and be all pissy female friend jealous...as Johnny Depp stands up from the audience and says he wants you as the lead in his next romance movie - that's where I'd hang myself...
katspajamas: lol... from your lips to God's ears...
ME: but I do love you and want the best for you dear
katspajamas: I could ramble on and on tonight.... something about putting my father on a plane to China....
ME: ah it seems this week has the father theme to it
katspajamas: Alas, you have your man-child and his kind in your space tonight. Go to them and bring more popcorn!
ME: its the beginning of our next year - for you and I - just had our birthdays...
katspajamas: After all these years joking about putting my dad on a one way trip to China....
ME: ...I miss you and we have to get together SOOOON
ME: lol...your dad...oi
katspajamas: yes. very soon.
ME: thank god your dad is too young for my mom
katspajamas: eeeeewwwwwwwww!!!!!!
ME: and too old for me
ME: roflmao
katspajamas: good. could you laugh mine off too while you are at it???
ME: my brother sure likes your dad tho
katspajamas: I'll let you go to your pre-teen party. Call me on the weekennd? Pleeeeeeze......
ME: I will - I promise...hugs
katspajamas: hugs and kisses back. Give your man-child a squeeze for me. love you.
ME: love you too... take a sleeping pill...lol
katspajamas: it's called a vodka tonic.
katspajamas: night.
ME: night
Now I am off to corral boys into one area to mellow out, so I can go to bed. They are already asking what's for breakfast. Lordy...do I have to plan that far ahead? At this point I am thinking bar-b-qued boys....they think that is real funny. Funnier that they think I am kidding...
Ok, well I am...sorta.
Until next time.
C
PS. My imaginery lover takes over so I can go to bed...
