It is written that the sign of cancer is ruled by the moon. I was born July 4th, 1960 at 5:30 pm - the same time my son was born. My mother jokes that I ruined my brother's third 4th of July and it took him 18 years to forgive me. I believe he forgave me only because I had attractive girlfriends that he wanted to hang with...
Scientists write that the moon is beautiful, sometimes bizarre, always changing....refering to it as the "Inconstant Moon". (OK, I'll possibly admit to that personality quirk). Ever since I was a child, I looked at the world as if I was as far away from it as the moon. When I was in grade school, just before falling asleep, I imagined I flew through the heavens on Pegasus - far from the earth - never wanting to return. Each night I'd wave at the moon as I passed it, the moon would bellow "Be safe Cath" and off into the universe I flew.
No wonder my favorite book ended up being Peter Pan. It is no shcok that I related well to Wendy and her experience of wanting to fly into the skies, to another place. Funny, as an adult I am still wanting the same. Except now it is to leave California. neverland is anywhere outside the borders of this state.
Pegasus is the winged ocean horse, refered to as the "white horse" of greek mythology. Pegasus depects intellect, innocence, life and light. This white flying horse is rideen only by heroes. Pegasus stands for fierce principles, and represents the passage from one earthly plane to the next. Ironic that I would chose this horse to fly through the heavens. It is written that Pegasus carries the thunderbolts of Zeus. Maybe this is why I love thunder and lightning so much. My heart races and I am excited at the first sounds of thunder.
In those years as a child, I flew on Pegasus through the stars in search of something or someone. I never knew what or whom. Possibly, it was the other half of myself. I felt I lost my twin or some piece of myself before I came to be, and searched the heavens to find "it". I am not a twin, but my family did lose my younger sister when I was two. She died at birth - or just before. She was born dead. She is buried up the hill from me with my father and my grand-parents. Dear Margaret Anne. I would have called her Maggie. However, I don't believe Maggie is what I was searching for those many years, in my imagination, on my sweet Pegasus.
These days, as nightfall pulls the purple drapes of sunset closed, I cast my eyes to the night sky searching for the first glimpse of the moon. It is my friend, rising to greet me. Each night, revealing how much of itself it will allow the world to view. Looking down on us like a benevolent guard. Reminding us it is night time, gently lighting the skies and casting shadows across the lanscape. Rather like a night lite plugged into the night sky.
The tides of the oceans are ruled by the moon...high tides...low tides. I believe the oceans are the first to greet the moon. It casts its illuminating beam over the ocean and changes the flow of water. The oceans respond in kind, eager to dance to the light of the moon by raising or lowing its dance with land's end. I am a child of this moon. Pegasus is long gone, but this moon - it remains.
When I am confused and in doubt, I often go outside at night in search of the moon. I cast my eyes across the sky, find her, and unload my latest concerns. She stares down on me, quite often shaking her large round face, or sometimes laying sideways like a cradle glances at me with only one eye. She becomes sad that I have still not found what I am searching for. The heavens gave me Brian, and it has helped more than I can say. But, Brian comes from me, and he does not belong to me. He belongs to life itself and will eventually travel off in search of his own path. I will still be left with mine.
This month the moon revealed it's redish glow, large and colorful, my personal favorite. As if to say that something special is about to happen. I would say that so far it is. The abandoning of the old, embracing the new. Freeing myself of out dated situations and child-like people I have allowed to get too close to my world. To look forward again with new goals and plans, which hopefully will end in a move.
It's funny when you chnage your life, how some people fear the change and become angry. They seem to take it personally, as if what you are doing for yourself has anything to do with them. I am not bothered by their response, it tells me I am going in the right direction. And the more I pull away to move on, the more they are interested in trying to keep the old contact, even if negative. Oddly, it makes me smile, and I just continue my focus, just like the moon.
Great things happen in the middle of diversity. It was time for a change, a new moon in my own life. The friends and family that truely love and support me embrace this change and cheer me on. These are the true friends - the ones that stick with you and do not fear what they see happening. In fact they roll their eyes, smile and say "it's about time". My family wishes only the best for me, but then, they have to (laugh).
When turning oneself toward a new horizon, it is important to spend as much time with people who support and nourish us, and little or no time with people who don't. It is important to avoid everyone and anyone who is abusive, negative, hostile, destructive and trive on drama. Surround yourself only with those that support your dreams, your life and are also forging bravely their own path. Be with those that dream big, and are taking the necessary steps to fullfill those dreams. It isn't easy, but well worth it in the long run.
Martha Beck states in her book, Finding Your Own North Star, "Detaching, finding your own path, and becoming a whole strong person will put you in a much better position...than staying locked in a dance of futile control efforts." She also advises, "Once you free up the time you are now spending with an unsupportive 'everybodies' you will have space in your schedule for people who support your true self. Make a regular practice of this and you will eventually end up finding the best of all 'everybodies': your own tribe."
A great book for anyone looking to change the path of their life. Ironic that it is named after the North Star. Oprah Winfrey and Martha Beck both state: NUMBER 1 RULE: "If it brings you joy - do it" NUMBER 2 RULE: "NO REALLY if it brings you joy - do it!" They feel if the only thing we ever do is fill our lives with the people, things, activities that bring genuine joy, we'd find that our dreams do easily come true almost immediately.
So in all that flying past the moon when I was a girl, I often thought of what gave me joy. Singing, dancing, writing, using my imagination, painting and decorating, playing in the garden, hiking, swimming, public performing either speaking or dancing, traveling and seeing new places, meeting new people, playing with animals, playing dress up, putting make up on my friends, riding my bike, running along the beach, ice skating, and going to the movies. Interesting, I think I need to do one of these things for a living...just as long as I don't pick the ice skaking one. I'd probably break my neck!
And the moon...the moon will always be there. looking down just as it has always been. Now bellowing "Be safe Cath" as I embark on the next part of my new life.
And you know what they say, "When the moon hits your eye like a big-a pizza pie -That's amore...When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine -That's amore...
Fino al prossimo tempo-
C
PS. Ok. ..my l'amore immaginario potrebbe essere un bell'uomo scuro italiano. ..that lavorerebbe..
