Grey's Anatomy opened up the subject with friends who watch it, the question of whether any of us have ever started, or completed sex or relationships while our hearts belonged to someone else.
Oh, hell yeah.
There are definitely times in my past where I lost the one I really wanted and was forced to re-group. I tried to move on and bought into the saying, "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." I usually found "the someone else" can be a poor replacement when you open your eyes and finally come up for air.
The "what the hell??" thoughts set in.
Unfortunately, the "what the hell" guys in my life probably had no idea, but usually were jerks in their own right, so I wasn't really hurting or destroying someone who put kindness and selflessness at the forefront to their personality.
I stopped this practise some time ago and now allow plenty of pity time before I put myself out there. Proper mourning helps bury the past and gives new people their much deserved chance. Plus, I find that the new people are usually healthier choices over the ones made during pity phases.
I have dated men who are still caught up in the past, in the middle of their own pity train and I am not about to board that passenger car bound for a fast downhill ride. It isn't pleasant being the person going out with someone who is hurting and stuck. It is like "Gee I think you are cute enough to ask out, but when I am with you I am going to be obsessed with someone else and really not be present enough to get to know you - let alone see you for who you really are....but can we have sex?" ... "Oh and I will bring this person up all the time and talk about them non-stop, because you are sooooo easy to talk to..." (yeah, cause I hung myself while you were busy talking to yourself).
I'd rather stay home and pull my nose hairs out with a pair of red hot tweezers thank you.
But, (sigh) my guess is we have ALL been that pity-party, stuck person to someone else at one time or another. I am imagining them home plucking nose hairs with a scalding hot pair of tweezers...
hmmm .... it works for me.
Until next time-
C
