Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful...since there's no place to go...let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
Yes, as I drive Brian home from work tonight, tiny flakes stick to the windshield. It is snowing in California. I want a pretty wrapped gift and a visit from Santa Claus.
I don't often write about my dating life. I worry as to who has access to this blog. I don't like revealing my poker hand. Besides, it doesn't often make for an interesting read. No matter how many of you want to hear about Peter the 23 year old...
But I got one of those 4pm, "Would you like to go to dinner this weekend?" Friday afternoon phone calls from a man. It pisses me off. As a redhead, even though I fight feeling sick, I do not take well to being someone's afterthought. I can't decide if he has nothing better going on or if he actually expects I would change my plans to accommodate him. I know there are women who give up their kids to a babysitter at the first sight of a date and a free dinner. I am soooooo not one of those women. If I was going home tonight to cut my toenails I would not have said yes.
Dating always comes up for me...especially when I am trying really, really hard not to. Dale, someone I used to date, who remains a friend, says "I thought you were hiding." From what? I walk out my back gate and I see single men walking their dogs, riding their motorcycles, working on their cars and they always stop and talk to me. I have no idea why. If this is hiding - what is hiding?
Usually I am just wondering if my son has clean socks.
I do notice something funny has happened since I was diagnosed with this disease. My x husband is very kind to me. Really, he is. Old boyfriends have looked me up and checked in on me. Men respond to me in a sweet way. I couldn't really figure itout at first, but I think I have changed. I have become more vulnerable, more open. I do need help, which allows men to do things for me. I used to be all about "I can do it MYSELF!" My mom says I started saying that when I was 3...
Funny, because I never really wanted to do it all myself. It is too exhausting to do things alone, and much more fun to accomplish goals with the help of other people. Truly, in many ways this disease has been a blessing is disguise. It gave my x husband an opportunity to make up for being so awful to me those first 5 years we were divorced. I didn't think I was ever going to be able to forgive him. It has given friends the opportunity to be heroes, and men the opportunity to prove they really can be the good guys.
On another lovely note...Brian got his best report card ever. He is either 'at grade' or 'above grade' except for writing, where he is 'approaching grade'. The tutoring and tamatis worked. How is that for wonderful? He is on his way. My mother cried on the phone today when she said "You did it, oh dear god my lovely daughter, you did it!" I suppose, but Brian did it too.
I just HAVE to write about these kids so I can help the rest of them.
Wish me well my favorite readers...
Until next time-
C
