How often do we look up at the sky and talk to some theoretical being (be it God, an Angel, the wind etc.) on a given day? No matter how many times my girlfriends have begged me not to, I often look to the heavens and ask for "a sign".
In the past, this has conjured up elephants on the side of a Detroit freeway; KB's ability to get on an airplane with no more than a library card and prescription for identification; a bill from the IRS; corporate jet flights with strange passengers; getting lost in Denver for three hours and a whole long list of odd events too many to post here. This question I ask the universe always brings some phenomenon no one has the capacity to help me understand. Nor, do they want to.
Just this morning I asked this abundant universe for guidance. I want the sign to be one I can understand (simple English please), because I am rather clueless at deciphering all the other "so-called" signs. I can hear KB and Stephanie moaning "Oh no here we go".
Hey - it's a simple request from the universe I think.
I am glad for those who have a "direction", a "plan" and are on their path toward whatever. But some of us out here get so far off our original path we need some friggin direction tattooed on our forehead. We prefer a "sign" of some kind. Just don't make it elephants marching down a freeway...because I still don't understand that one.
Today, in the middle of my day, someone I was once crazy about instant messages me. If this is THE SIGN ... if this is what the universe is bringing ... I am as lost as ever. I think I understand the elephants on the freeway better.
I used to believe this man was the most perfect man. Not in the sense he was perfection, but in the perfect way someone understands us better than we understand ourselves. The person who sees all our flaws, but still finds us fascinating anyways. The person we can tell everything and feel safe. We know they will never mention our darkest secrets unless we bring them up. There is no judgment, just someone who enjoys us as we are.
Unconditional love is understood by so few. It is a rare thing when we receive it from outside our own family. It is hard to let go of when it is time to move on. What if no one else ever comes along again who can read the map of us exactly as it should be read? Sometimes I think we set aside a part of our heart for these rare people, and it is never filled by anyone else again. In fairy tales and Hollywood, they would have us believe that we always get the one we want. In truth, many times the opportunity is missed or spoiled and we are never given a second chance.
Cinderella says, "A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true..."
Was she drinking a lot of red wine when she thought this?
In reality the prince marries other people and moves far away to distant places. The hope we had to keep them in the hidden pocket of our dream world won't work, and like the butterfly they fly away.
We all know how I suck at goodbyes...
One day, the butterfly lands again, near enough for us to notice. Part of us tells ourselves not to look, but the part of us that remembers the connection, is drawn back in for a closer inspection. He is still as charming, as kind, as funny, as brilliant as he ever was. We click as if I had just been with him this morning. His words come like fresh air, soft and relieving.
But I don't understand this sign. No amount of wishing is going to change the things that keep us apart. I can't ask a Fairy Godmother to waive her wand and take me to the time I can be the first Cinderella to his ball. That position was filled by someone else. There is no hidden slipper to fit me into his world. But, I am always glad to hear from him. He makes me think of the words to this song every time -
"I just wanted you to comfort me, when I called you late last night you see. I was falling into love, yes I was crashing into love
Of all the words you said to me, about "Life," "The Truth" and "BeingFree" - Yeah you sang to me, oh how you sang to me
I live for how you make me feel, so I question all this being real
'Cause I'm not afraid to love, for the first time I'm not afraid to love. This time seems made for you and me, and you showed me what life needs to be - Yeah you sang to me, oh you sang to me"
Etc etc etc...
Then this same damn song comes on my radio on the ride home.
So if this is my sign... I don't get it. Someone please send in the elephants.
Until next time-
C
