The days are a whirl of activity as I manage the migration to a different life. It's hard adjusting my compass and understanding what it is I am trying to accomplish. There are some positive ramifications coming out of this change. I feel better and I am too busy to think.
While I am trying to turn this bus I call a life towards true north, friends in distant places are suffering with the real estate crunch. I am seeing it in the fore closures of their homes and the crashing down sizing of their lives. It's hard to watch. I am lucky that I went back to school and received training in computers so I have many talents to fall back on. The time spent in telecom doesn't hurt either. I am also lucky that I have always kept a very tiny life, one I could manage if anything ever happened. I never escalated my life to match the money. I guess it's the practical Irish girl in me.
While watching friends crash and burn I learn all the interview offers are apparently a rare event. Many of these friends never even get a phone call and they have masters degrees. It is a funny economy...and look at me turning up my nose at job offers. Have I lost my mind?
For so much of my life I have always done what everyone else wants me to do or thought I should do, with my mother warning me the sky was about to fall. I am tired of doing what others think is best for me. How do I keep telling Brian to chase his dreams - he can do anything he wants - if I don't do the same? Of course, I'd like to pack us up and move to a place on the water with pine trees and tall mountains, but Brian's life is here, so here I am ... for now. God I love him.
A new year is coming, so I signed up for a dance class. I love dancing and haven't been doing much of it the past couple of years. Ok, except for some naked dancing around my living room when Brian is at his dad's. But that isn't REAL dancing. It is time to start re-claiming small parts of myself. Plus, I am feeling good - no heart pains - no numbing of my hands and feet, I just need to take it slow, Dancing felt fun and like something I should try.
I miss tall dark and handsome, but there isn't a thing I can do about him. Isn't there a prayer that goes something along the lines of "... accept the things I cannot change..."? Sometimes acceptance sucks.
At least there is still dark chocolate.
And friends.
And Christmas.
And Brian.
And a redhead's life.
Until next time-
C
