Helen Keller wrote, "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us". This week, this quote could have been the running theme with many of the men I know. They are caught up in reviewing past hurts, and stuck, unable to really move forward with their lives.
Why in the heck do they want to date me?? I am the biggest pain in the butt when it comes to avoidence behaviors. Do they think that I don't see it is a "meantime" thing to them? I am not here to bridge the time between the past hurt and their future. I will call them on that crap. Meantime guys want to hang around and have it all their way. HA! Do they really not see me? They are more likely to find a million dollars on the side of the road than to get me to buy into accepting less because they "got hurt". Oh grow up! I know the drill, it's an excuse - a way of saying, "I like you, but I don't REALLY like you", instead of worrying if I like THEM. The man I want is worried that I don't like him.
I can't really say that they are all this way. Keith stepped up to the plate from the first time I met him. He was 100 percent into me and crazy about me at first sight. Let me tell you, that kind of intensity sets the bar and he set the level high on the "I am very into Catherine" bar. Keith lives too far away and our disagreements wear me out. I do not want a life of arguing. But in the "I dig Catherine" department", he's got it going on.
Did you know that there is a personality disoder labeled, "Avoidant"? Now, some might think I suffer from this affliction myself, therefore drawing to my life mirrored reflections of me in men. People with "avoidant personality disorder" are fearful of rejection and shy away from situations that might expose their supposed inadequacy. They may reject opportunities to develop close relationships because of their fears of criticism or humiliation.
Hmmmmmmmm. What if I just don't like the line I am being fed from the guy? But to flip this to the men I know, this avoidence disorder seems to be the running theme of the day. They blame it on their broken hearts. I think it is a great stalling technique, because when a guy is really into you, he does nutty things to get your attention. Every time I hear that "she hurt me blah blah whine blah blah blah" I think, "Oh good lord cry me a river, like who escapes this life without getting hurt in a relationship?" (And then I think, "Catherine RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!").
I mean, come on, HELLO out there men...here's a news flash: YOU picked that woman who broke your heart. Yes, write that down please. I'll wait. You picked her! Frankly, I think a great many men are just looking for some good sex without strings. I don't want the guy that is sailing through life grabbing good sex, avoiding a better life. With me, they picked the wrong girl for that...honey... I have so many strings I make a puppet look life-like.
My fellow men, if I am not chosing you, it isn't that you are wrong. I just have thie dream I am following and you aren't going in that same direction. I am not using lame excuses that my x husband ruined me and how hard opening up is or blah blah blah broken heart. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. For me, I just know what I want for the next part of my life. I am busy trying to make it happen. So stop the con on the broken heart record...I do not want you either, but at least I am honest about that.
So why these broken hearted men seek me out is anyone's guess. For pain and torture from a redhead? I find it humorous when they begin to tell me their woes. Does this really get them anything? Oh yeh, you want sex without strings from the string girl? OI. KB and I always laugh as she says, "I can't wait to see what happens when you finally settle in with the guy you are meant to meet. What will the other men find to do, if they are not dancing around you?" I dunno...drink alot?
I did hear from J___this week. He called several times, until I felt bad and called him back. He is rather charming on the phone. I clearly stated that I wasn't interested in being "friends" if he was going to continue down the broken heart road. To my surprise, he laughed and took it in stride and said, "I get the message Catherine". So we shall see if he does. But then....he is just so damn good looking! *laugh* He needs some kissing practise and how do I tell him without him thinking - well I could help him with this I suppose? My girlfriend KB put it this way, "Maybe he was just having a bad hair day...". OI...but what if it is a cronic bad hair day condition?
I saw Oscar for Chinese Saturday night. I do like hanging with him, but he suffers from that whole avoidence personality disorder thing. It's difficult to get too upset with him though. I didn't tell him what kind of Chinese to bring. When we sat down on the floor, he handed me a container of lemon chicken and said, "Here, I know lemon chicken is your favorite". I don't remember ever telling him that. I was impressed. He brought a movie. It was good to hear him laugh. He has one of those loud gut laughs that fills the room like bass music and makes you laugh along with him.
For dessert he brought ice cream, and I didn't feel like having any. He got a bowl, sat down and said, "I bought it because I know you like chocolate". Again, impressive that he remembers my passion for chocolate. Guys, it is the little things you do that make us like and respect you. I recognise true acts of kindness when I see them. It restores my faith in the lot of ya. Still, he has his plans for life, and I have mine. Too bad, because there are many things about this man I like. But as I have often said, "He is just not the one."
I have to figure out a new career....a new path for my life. It is the reason I began writing here. I wanted to get down on paper (or in this case in an online journal) what is rambling around in my head. A sort of a clearing of the attic in my mind to see what is there. Hopefully there is more than dust...Writing heals me, and calms my aching soul. But so far I am still lost as for the career. I am stuck in the career part of my life. Hmmmmm and am meeting stuck broken heart men...maybe there is a connection....?....
Thank god for our children who keep us going...
Until next time-
C
PS> My imaginery lover has an open heart...and is a great kisser.
