It is that time again...time to write in this online journal for the week. I have some ideas, but am a little lost as to what I really want to unload on here. I thought about the road less traveled, those times in our lives where we feel impending change, that we are about to embark on a new stage of our lives...the less easy road.
When I was first diagnosed with Hasimoto's disease I went out on the internet and read every medical piece of information I could find. Little did I know getting sick would change the dynamics of the relationship between me and my x husband. Suddenly, after 5 years of divorce, he got scared that I wasn't myself, that something was wrong and he stepped up to the plate and began to help me. He has been wonderful to me, being the dad and x husband I need for him to be.
This has helped Brian grow and be a bit cocky, now that he can safetly rest between two parents on the same page. Who would have thought that having Hashimoto's would turn out well for my son? What bothers me most about the disease, besides the pills I must take every morning at the same time on an empty stomache (this from a girl who forgets to take vitamins)., is the energy drain. Sometimes I am just so tired. It's hard being a single parent when you are tired.
I am an old soul, someone still connected to the culture of the gaelic world. My heart longs to be near water, in a kitchen listening to sounds of the waves crashing against a shore with the laughter of children in the distance. My fishing pole at the door calling me to take it to the dancing waters. Barefoot on tile or wood floors in a skirt with my hair pulled up. In such a place I don't believe I would be so tired.
From the bedroom comes a man, he's tall and a bit lanky, dark hair and a great smile. He's kind and soft spoken. His hair is sprinkled with grey and his face wears the years that experience has taught. Besides being my lover, he is my best friend. He likes to dance with me in that kitchen for no reason...he is barefoot too. He prefers music to TV, outdoors to indoors, laughter over anger, patience over jealosy.
I have been seeing this vision in my head for years. When I am tired, I can shut my eyes and go to this place. It helps me forget my woes and lulls me to sleep.
It is interesting to me the assumptions made by men about women who are single. I have been handling my own life since I was 18 and it never mattered whether a man was in it or not. It seemed I always handled my own life. In my marriage I was forced to manage his life too and I resented it. I have been divorced for 7 years now, raising my son financially on my own, figuring it out and turning to friends for support.
I have had a couple of serious relationships, and again managed my own affairs. So it seems funny to me when men tell me their stories of how they have supported women they have been with and lost it all in the end. I have never put my future in the hands of anyone but me. Why did these men allow this to happen in their lives and why do they blame the women they were with?
Redheads are just to independant to rely on anyone but themselves...
C
