I believe it is important for all single parents to have good friends they can go visit out of town. It affords us the oportunity to get away without it costing a fortune. In my case I am lucky enough to have Elisabet and her husband Chris. They have a daughter the same age as Brian and live near Folsom Lake. Their home also has a spare room and a pool, and Chris usually is this terrific husband who takes care of us while I am there. He refers to us as "Wife number one and two". ...nothing sexual mind you. although I really can't tell you what is going on in his head. He is, after all, a man.
As single parents we need a support group that helps us make it when we think we can't. Hilary Clinton once said, "It takes a village" and many people made fun of it. My guess is that none of them were single parents, because we believe with our heart and soul that we need a whole lot of help and support to do this right. God love our "villages". I have no clue as to where I would be without mine.
One of my top supporters is Elisabet who believes without a doubt that my life is destine for greatness. She is my top cheerleader - the person who is always there to pick me up, dust me off and send me back out into the world. I wish all of you this type of friend. She is the keeper of all my dark secrets and adores me in spite of them. Now, THAT is a true friend. Due to my "village friends" I can be fussy in my dating world. Since I have this support system in place, I can look at a man for who he is and not who I wish he'd be. So often women do this and can't understand why they are unhappy 5 years down the road in a relationship. I'd rather keep the rose colored glasses off and see the man for who he is...and is not.
I have often said that getting divorced is like cutting off your left arm with a butter knife to save the rest of your body. To survive such a brutal surgury, one needs truth and support of some very good friends. Cultivate your friendships well if you are considering divorce...they will be your life raft. And instead of dating right away, devote the first year to your children and these friendships. Everyone will be better for it - especially your kids. This is true whether you are male or female. Feel everything without having the safety net of a relationship, thus showing your children true heart and strength of character.
This weekend I enjoyed the ritual of driving Brian out of town. This is always a great thing to do as a single parent, because it affords you a long enough drive to talk things out and catch up with your kids. (Unless the kids enjoy fighting the whole way and you have to pull the car over every 5 miles). I love traveling with my son. He is great fun on a trip. He tells me his hopes, fears and dreams and I feel lucky that he is still letting me into his private world.
Elisabet and Chris' home is the type of home where everyone wants to be. The pool in the back lends itself to a vacation effect and keeps the kids occupied so that we can sit and catch up. Usually Chris is waiting on us hand and foot, but this weekend he, as head of the Chamber of Commerce, is running the "Pow Wow" days. Ebet and I have to wait on ourselves and the kids, for me this is still a vacation as it is not me doing everything like I do everyday. And wherever we went, she drove, so I was able to enjoy being driven, which is something you all know I love and rarely am able to enjoy.
Our kids are 10 and I see that they are beginning to grow apart. Kels, Ebet's daughter is into Lizzie McGuire and girly things - approaching the pre-teen goofyness we women went through. Brian is into Star Wars, baseball and swimming and not into one single girl thing. He became bored by the 2nd day and I could see it is going to be difficult to bring him again. If Kels were a tomboy it might work, but she is not. We left early Sunday so Brian could come home and play with his best friend Alex.
The sound of toy guns popping and space ship engines are roaring from Brian's room and I am picking up and cleaning. All is right with Brian's world, and I would like a nap.
Until next time...
C
PS. My imaginery lover enjoys being surrounded by good friends...
