Guydar alert.
Whenever I start to really miss sex and being naked with a man, it is like a radar alert goes out into the universe and sends a message to men. The first thing that happens is that I become bored with my adult toys and start fantasizing about the feel of a mans hands all over by body. I try shrugging it off with housework, walking and other activities as it screams,"You are horny!" in my ear. There is just something about the right kiss, with tongue and pressure given at just right places....yum. (Catherine SNAP out of it!)
Oh yeah....suddenly Guydar happens.
Always at this point, an old flame, Keith contacts me. My friends and I refer to him as 'Grass Valley man' since he is located in a town 3 1/2 hours Northeast of Santa Rosa and the title always had us laughing on Girls Night out. I dated Keith for a short period back in 2000. He fell madly in love at first sight and tried to take over and command my life. I don't move that fast in relationships and resent being told what to do with my life by someone who needs to fix their own, so we would have these passionate fights, then I would stop speaking to him.
The make up sex was over the top (well of course it is). I was careful to note that this kind of relationship can be very addicting and was wise about keeping my heart in tact. On the weekends Brian would be with his dad, Keith would drive the 3 plus hours to my place in his work truck with all his tools. He would ask me to make a list of everything I wanted done on the place, show up, strap on a tool belt and begin to fix anything I did not like. He usually brought a gift, often jewelry and would take me someplace fun for dinner.
He once built a fort at our place for all the kids that live nearby, but mostly for Brian. The boys loved it and my neighbors thought he was so kind, so he made himself a legend as this handy guy who took care of anything I wanted.
By now you might be asking "...and what is wrong with him...?". There were several problems with Keith, first being that he drank too much when he worked on the house. He is the type of drinker who likes to try and pick a fight when he has had too much. My x husband, Rich and my serious long term men don't really drink, never do drugs and I like the men I date to be this way. Second, he has a very negative, conservative view about the world (very closed-minded) which is completely opposite of me. I am very open to other cultures and have this 'live and let live' attitude about other people's life choice.
Keith could be brilliantly funny and fun when he didn't drink, but put a couple of drinks in him and it was as if toads, rocks and snakes flew out of his mouth at projectile speed. If he couldn't bait me to argue, he would escalate it to making fun of my political beliefs. I have this innate ability to step outside myself and look at the larger picture, so besides thinking he was a jerk I would also note that he could never be around my son. thus the relationship bus stops right there and I get off.
Why would I trade in my peaceful, quiet, happy home life for a man who doesn't offer more of the same? Keith has many good qualities, as he is not the father of a boy from his first marriage and continues a fatherly relationship with the boy years after the divorce. The boy is now living with him and looks upon him as his dad and Keith feels he is his son. It takes a special person to love someone else's children long after the relationship has ended. The mother has serious drug problem and Keith has provided this boy a home off the streets and really is wonderful to the boy. The boy adores Keith and enjoys a nice life.
It was difficult at first to completely write Keith off. He would leave me alone for a few months (thinking I would calm down and change my mind), then leave me these hilariously funny voice mail messages which I would eventually give in to and allow him to take me to dinner. Usually I had something major that needed to be done around my place by then, and NO not just me sillies. But it wouldn't last long, as I would get fed up and tell him to leave me alone. Every time he contacts me and I am not married or settled down with someone, he becomes convinced that it is because he is the guy for me (I just need to get with the program), then let the gifts and phone calls begin. OIY.
Last time, I made him leave in the middle of his drinking session and was done with it for good. He tried to justify the argument, but no amount of good sex is worth the hassle. I like my nice quiet life. Once a redhead is done ... a redhead is done. We just don't go back.
But for some reason he has one hell of a "Guydar" meter. "Guydar" is my term for what happens when a woman (a guy has once dated) starts dating a new guy or thinking of dating a new guy. It is when the X-guy senses this from his past girlfriend, (even when he hasn't spoken with her in months) and contacts said past girlfriend in attempt to mess things up. However, Mr. X-guy doesn't consciously realize this is what he is doing. It's just a type of radar that makes him think about her, then want to find out how she is, then call her, then...thus the term "Guydar".
I can go for months without a thought of dating and as soon as I begin to get the itch again ... BOOM ... Keith finds a way to contact me. All my phone numbers have changed, my employment has changed, my email has changed and he will hunt around and find a way to see if he can get me to talk to him. This time it has been almost two years since we last talked and almost three since I last saw him. Last time he called my cell phone I never returned his call, then cancelled my cell service.
So yesterday, I receive this in my email:
Date: Wed, 4 Jan 2006 22:12:23 -0800 (PST)
From: "Keith _______" <keith_________@sbcglobal.___>
Subject: Hey sweet pain in my side
To: "Catherine ______" < _______________@yahoo.com>
Dear Catherine,
It's been too long a time since we have talked and I've had you on my mind lately.
I remember last time we talked you were having some troubles and I was worried about you. I hope you have worked your way through them with the least amount of difficulty.
How was your Christmas? I hope it went well, and you are doing well and are happy. I hope we can talk again sometime soon. I miss you.
Always, Keith
(You know that guy in grass valley ;-0)
When I saw the email I had that momentary "Oh shit", then contemplated answering, but thought better of it and hit the spam button. From here on out his messages will go to the spam folder and I will never see one again. I have my anti-guydar shield up this time and it isn't moving.
It is a new year, new life, new friends and I can't let an old flames Guydar get in the way of moving on. Looking back only forces us to slam into something that hurts, rather than looking forward where we are headed. Keith is no where near where I am going and contacting him will just start up something that ended a long time ago.
Damn that Guydar though...how do you guys do it?
Until next time-
C
PS. Do us women ever hav "Girldar"?
