As you can see I am messing around with the look of my blog. I really need to paint the bathroom ... well ... and the walls of my living room ... and....then the ceiling ...
Coloring the blog seems less of a project.
I was trying to think of a humorous quote about birthdays, since Brian's birthday party is this Saturday. The only quote I can think of is by Phyllis Diller, "I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do." Somehow I don't think it quite applies to Brian.... maybe to me...
We had to postpone Brian's party from the Saturday of his birthday to this weekend, of which he was not real happy. Like the boat that sails as you arrive at the dock, it seems most of Brian's friends have sailed out to sea this week. With each developing day we loose one more boy to something planned or a 104 fever.
I am feeling like the parent from hell.
Usually we plan a pretty neat party for Brian, but this year it caught both me and my x husband off guard. I am watching Brian grow more disappointed as the party grows near. I feel like calling all my friends and say that I am having a birthday disaster. They'll come, bring wine and great gifts. But I am afraid Brian was looking for a bunch of boys, up-all-night-playing-games kind of a party.
This brings up the same conflicted feelings I have about what I want to next with my career. As is stands now, on most sunny days, I put on walking shoes, walk down to Brian's dad's house and grab Boonie the dog. I then walk to Brian's school and walk back to work with Brian and Boonie. We always stop at the little creek by the school. Brian and Boonie play in the water as Brian shouts out his day to me.
I know this is becoming the last years I will be able to do these kinds of things. It is my favorite part of my day. Like on Tuesday when Brian stopped throwing rocks in the creek, looks up at me and says, "I don't like the way some boys treated this girl today when we were playing dodge ball." "Oh?" I look down at him as water begins to move around his shoes. "Yeh, they all said she was out, but she wasn't. I saw where her foot was - so did they - she wasn't out. I don't think they wanted her to play." he says as he throws a rock. "What did you do?" I ask. "Well she is a good player, and she argued that she was in. I agreed, but everyone kept shouting that she was out. I felt bad for her." he continues. "So as she was walking away I called to her and I gave her my token." "Your token?" "Yeh, it alowed her to come back in the game and I went out." he said pushing the water with his shoes. "Did she thank you? I ask. "I don't know", Brian replies, "I just left because I was mad at them for cheating." "Brian I think you are amazing." I say, fighting back tears of pride. "I love you son" "I love you too mom." he smiles. Now I could have been working in a cubicle for some corporate company who is going to eliminate everyone's jobs in two years and missed this Brian moment.
A moment when I see how rough it is being a man with a heart of a lion.
Each day this week, I have to tell Brian the lion hearted that one more boy can't come ... this one is going fishing with his dad ... that one is on restriction... another one has a baseball tournament ...
I am in parent hell. Now what do I do? I don't have any magic tokens to make this right. I can't post a sign and buy boys. I could go to jail for that. All I can do is help him process this part of growing up and it just sucks all to hell. It is a powerless feeling when you can't magically make something right for your kids.
This year I wanted to give him the plans and booking for Ireland next year and that hasn't worked as I had hoped either.
And this damn loan I am working on - will it EVER close????
Another birthday quote: "We are all born naked and screaming and if you're lucky that sort of thing won't stop there ". Hmmmmm this one won't work for Brian's birthday week either.
OIY.
A fat kity resembling Annabelle has wandered into Brian's dad's house this week and has decided she likes it. Boonie likes her too. I think she is pregnant looking for a place to have her kittens. Brian is transfixed, like itis some sign from God (he gets this from me). I think he is hoping either the cat will stay or the cat and kittens will stay - but some sort of major kitty deal in his favor. His dad shakes his head no. Yeah his dad is sure a toughy - he is the reason we have Boonie the terrier dog. I am staying as far away from this one as I can. But I know his dad and if Brian's birthday is a big disappointment I am seeing kitties in his future and NO!! I AM NOT HAULING KITTIES BACK AND FORTH TOO!!!
Please tell me a new kitten is not a token...
Until next time-
C
