Brian asked if I would have Thanksgiving this year, since he pointed out that I have never had Thanksgiving - one that he could remember. In the past, it was always at my mom's or my sister-in-laws, but my stepfather died when Brian was 4 and my brother and sister-in-law split up over a year ago thus changing the long held tradition.
I was once considered the queen of dinner parties and after my divorce I somehow managed to completely stop having them. This year we were invited to two other Thanksgiving parties and I was looking forward to drinking other peoples wine and eating wonderful food I didn't have to clean up. But Brian insisted, "I want you to have Thanksgiving - please". So I thought about it for about half a second and said, "Sure, why not".
Dinner parties are work - jaysus.
In my second year of college I decided to change my major from journalism to god I don't know what I want to be so I'll try anything degree plan. Part of this new college plan was a string of gourmet cooking classes - culinary arts. I loved it. It was so different than the boiled Irish cooking I was used to at home. I thought broccoli was khaki colored.
Thus I learned the techniques of gourmet chefs and broccoli is actually green.
It is amazing the things we do for the people we love, especially our children. They are a calculating bunch though. Once I said yes Brian hit me with his list of dinner guests, which besides his best friend, included my x husband and my x mother-in-law. As mothers we learn to breathe deeply before we speak sometimes. I thought about all this kid has been through and all that he has accomplished and figured what the hell. So again I said yes, and invited my x husband and his mom. I told my mom that she had better come and bring lots of wine.
And because I am out of practice, I decided to do it up right with table decorations, silver and fine china. I cleaned our place until it sparkled, moved furniture around and prepared some of my old signature foods. Brian was a big help and loved every minute of it.
As I sat at the end of the table looking down where Brian sat between his dad and his best friend I could see that he was twisting in his skin with happiness. Everyone at the dinner party was there for Brian.
Today the dining table sits in the middle of the room, the decorations moved about, half melted candlesticks and used tea cups at one end. The kitchen has stacked plates and cups, used wine glasses and dirty linens, ready for me to finish cleaning and the china to be stored. They are the remnants of well-enjoyed dinner party.
Many of the divorced will tell you that we must live completely separate lives in order for our children to adjust. I am never one to do what everyone else says I should. In Brian's case, he doesn't ever remember his father and I together - he was two years old when we separated. I have asked Brian if he would like to have his father and I together and he looks at me like I am nuts. I know this kid well enough to also ask, "Then do you want me all to yourself at our place and your dad all to yourself at his place"? "Yeah" is always his answer. He likes us individually there for him, and together in presence only on special occasions.
Do I enjoy hanging out with my x husband? No, I don't frankly, but Brian loves his dad and growing up I was not forced to choose between my mother and my father and I don't want Brian to feel like he has to choose between us. I think the cruelest thing we can do to a child is try and force them to love or not love another adult that we want or don't want in our lives.
So I had a dinner party and made my son happy, how difficult was that? And I enjoyed cooking for a large group and experimenting with some different flavors. The food was a success, the Turkey perfect and everyone laughed and had a great time. I proved to myself that I can still entertain and put a perfect three course meal on the table.
Brian's best friend's family didn't have a Thanksgiving ... I don't try and guess where their money goes or why this boy seems to go without ... he is just my son's best friend and that makes him family. My parents welcomed myfriends like family, hell my mother takes on all my girlfriends like they are daughters, so I naturally take on my sons friends.
I loved the look on this boys face as he looked over the table and the china, with the food and the idea of a bunch of people sitting together over a table and enjoying a fine dinner. I am certain he will remember it a life time. He stayed for a sleepover and the boys slept in the pull-out bed in front of the fire with Polar Express on TV. They ate ice cream at 11pm, at which point I had to go collapse into bed.
There isn't a man in that bed, and it is probably a good thing. No complications, no egos, just my soft pillows and my comfy mattress where I drift off to sleep in complete peace for having done the right thing for my son and his little friend.
Until next time-
C
